man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
