Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
