so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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