I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
