I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
