i would punch a child for taco bell
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
