I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize