totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
