i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
