why didn't you poke me back
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
