i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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