May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
