Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
