I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
