Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
