You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
