I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
