btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
