I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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