i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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