I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize