i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
