He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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