I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
