You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
