We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
