I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
high people should be assigned attendants
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
