I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize