I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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