Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
