she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
