I cockslap morals
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
