I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
