Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
