Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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