OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
