There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
