News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize