oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
