we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Mom said you looked used
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
