all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my being single is dangerous.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
