You work out of a Hotel?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
whose parrot is this?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
