Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize