i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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