you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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