i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
