your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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