Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
