wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize