Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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