I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
