Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
