But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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