I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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