We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
