My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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