matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
