his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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