Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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