dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
