Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
