Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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