So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
