There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
