Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
