dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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