i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
