is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
