Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i will never coherently bang her
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
