ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
